Last week the TES published an article called “23 ways that primary teachers know that Christmas is coming”. Now I like the TES but I think a more honest version of that post could be written. So I’ve written it.
23 Ways Primary School Teachers Know That Christmas Is Coming
1) The “no drinking on a school night” rule turns into “I’ll only drink on days that end in a ‘y’ rule.”
2) With shows, presents and parties happening your shopping trolley starts to look mental. My last shopping trolley contained: 18 age 5-6 green t-shirts, a Santa hat, a bucket, 90 oranges and a bottle of vodka. Fine.
3) Lunch is made up of food that can be scavenged from the staff room/class parties. Last week my lunches consisted of a home made chicken caeser wrap, a side salad, fruit and big bottle of water. Today I had two packets of Pom Bears, 6 party rings and a carton of apple juice.
4) When a parent appears at the door at the end of the day and asks for “a quick word” you want to cry/swear/hide under the desk.
5) Last week school was bustling with staff at 7:30am. This week 8:15am is only for the really keen ones.
6) You survive on coffee from 7am – 6pm and wine from 6pm-8pm
7) Bed time is 8:30pm.
8) The children are exhausted so at least two children a day completely lose it because they can’t find their coat (one will be on their peg and one will already be wearing theirs.)
9) Whilst tracking down costumes for the show you will, on more than occasion, Google “Christmas space alien outfits” be horrified at the results and try, “Christmas space alien outfits – non-sexual.”
10) There’s at least one efficacious member of staff that wants to talk about interventions/planning/groups/timetables for January and it takes all your efforts to not stab them with a Biro.
11) Whether you’re teaching Reception or Year 6 you’ll do an RE lesson where the children have to sequence/retell the Christmas Story.
12) The penultimate week of term everyone quietly pretends to still be doing all the stuff but no one is doing any of the stuff.
13) One child will be violently sick all over the hall/classroom/cloakroom. Or, in my case, three children will be violently sick.
14) The exhaustion means your class will really start to get on your nerves and just when you think you might actually lose it one of them makes you cry by giving you a card like this:
15) You will eat a questionable Christmas dinner on a plastic tray. The slices of turkey will be perfectly round.
16) You try to avoid being in the classroom when the cleaner is there as you can’t apologise enough for the fact that your classroom looks like a herd of wildebeest have charged through it. Glittery, sticky, wildebeest.
17) “Not long to go now” becomes the standard response to, “How are you?”
18) The closer to the holidays – the longer the playtime.
19) Someone will fall asleep in the staffroom at lunchtime.
20) Making Christmas cards is your one DT lesson of the term.
21) You find yourself wearing glittery make-up. Not because you applied it but because glitter gets bloody everywhere.
22) “Ooo I think you can colour that in MUCH better than that” becomes a perfectly legitimate next step.
23) Despite all of this by October next year you’ll be looking forward to starting the whole thing over again.