Life After SATs

This morning office doors were closed,

Coffee poured and papers shuffled.

Teachers ushered into rooms,

Whispered tones hushed and muffled.

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For months we drilled the children

In SPaG and maths and reading

We went over complex sentences

Until our hair lines were receding

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So we’re crunching all the numbers

And looking at the stats

To answer the big question:

Have they done well in their SATS?

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Did Amar do enough,

To keep Ofsted from the door?

He was Level Two in KS1

So now he must be Four.

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Did Andrew check his answers?

Did Kayleigh take her time?

Did Shreya understand

Why the poet wrote in rhyme?

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Did they listen in our lessons?

Did they remember all our tricks?

To answer enough questions

To get a Level Six?

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We’re proud of them, of course we are

They really did their best

But think of all the things they’ve missed

For this statutory test.

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All the playdates that were cancelled

All the trips they didn’t take

All the drama they’ve missed out on

All the things they didn’t make

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The children must be overjoyed

For what could matter more?

Than knowing enough answers

To get a Level Four.

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If the results were not for Ofsted

And the political fat cats

We could teach them what they really need

For life after The SATs

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